Jaguar shark
awesome movie!
ok im trying to get through this crap...the licence issues, the depression and anxiety the breaking of hearts
when i was in the hospital i lied and told them i had never thought or had plans of killing myself. bull shit! i said it so i could get out if i needed to.
but honestly a few hours before my hospitalzation i was seriously considering throwing myself infront of a car...hanging myself from my celing fan (it probably would have fallen) sliting my wrists in the bathroom or washing down a bottle of sleeping pills with a bottle of whiskey...anyway i didnt, im still here and the reason is this; freinds. i didnt want my friends to have to go through that...you know the whole wake and funeral thingy. the best thing for me was all the concern and well wishes i got from everyone a really great letter from noah (that i currently have on my fridge) voice messages...declarations of love and hope. I thank you all.
the reason why im bringing this up is i have fallen into it again...but this time i have an experience to look back on and realize what i have is worth living for. even if i am a total fuck up things can always get better...even if im taken away in hand cuffs and put in a jail cell for a few hours because my paper work isnt in order (fucking car insurence, court system, dmv). i am sorry for ranting about depressing issues..and i am sorry for any pain i have caused...life will get better, i promise.
"better use my lightning like scissors, like i cut the legs of off whales and dinosaurs into lizards"
ok im trying to get through this crap...the licence issues, the depression and anxiety the breaking of hearts
when i was in the hospital i lied and told them i had never thought or had plans of killing myself. bull shit! i said it so i could get out if i needed to.
but honestly a few hours before my hospitalzation i was seriously considering throwing myself infront of a car...hanging myself from my celing fan (it probably would have fallen) sliting my wrists in the bathroom or washing down a bottle of sleeping pills with a bottle of whiskey...anyway i didnt, im still here and the reason is this; freinds. i didnt want my friends to have to go through that...you know the whole wake and funeral thingy. the best thing for me was all the concern and well wishes i got from everyone a really great letter from noah (that i currently have on my fridge) voice messages...declarations of love and hope. I thank you all.
the reason why im bringing this up is i have fallen into it again...but this time i have an experience to look back on and realize what i have is worth living for. even if i am a total fuck up things can always get better...even if im taken away in hand cuffs and put in a jail cell for a few hours because my paper work isnt in order (fucking car insurence, court system, dmv). i am sorry for ranting about depressing issues..and i am sorry for any pain i have caused...life will get better, i promise.
"better use my lightning like scissors, like i cut the legs of off whales and dinosaurs into lizards"
2 Comments:
"you had a way so familiar I could not recognize, 'cause you had blood on your face, and I had blood in my eyes..."
i'm sorry. i just... one more night like these and I'm breaking my promise. at least I'm not old enough to buy whiskey.
I really hope things turn out well for you. you're my friend and I want you to be happy. hell, I want kala to be happy too. I wish you the best. just don't forget about me.
dont worry monkey..if i can get trough it so can you
Post a Comment
<< Home